The idea of being alone has escaped my criteria of living for years. It’s been forever since I have literally been alone. Today, I took myself out and did things completely by myself. I went to a public place and watched the basketball game on TV, ate a meal at a restaurant alone, went and read at the local bookstore, and went and sat on top of the highest hill I could find and looked out over the city where I grew up. Lonesomeness is not a detriment, it is a lesson. Lately, I have found myself having tendencies that I never knew existed within me, both bad and good. In a sense, I am learning all over again who I am and more importantly, how I am. My whole world has taken turns in ways that I was not necessarily prepared for. I have been strong, or in the surfaced aspect, strong, about letting go of a relationship that was intended to be forever. It has been harder than I have let people see. I have been faced with scary circumstances that teach me that people I love are mortal, and dealing with that has been a constant struggle. I am in a limbo in every aspect of my life, unsure of what is next. I have found that sleeping alone is hard, and waking up to do it all over again is even harder. But I do it, and every single day, it gets easier. I have realized that people scare me, learning about somebody new is not as alluring as I originally thought. Today has been a hard day. For some reason lonesomeness seems to be a cloud over my being today, but I keep finding a way to take it and keep going. If there was a fast forward button to get past this point in my life, to where I am genuinely happy again, I am not sure I would use it. This has been the most instructional phase of my life. I feel like I have been saying that for months, but I believe this is the climax of it. I keep learning more and more how crucial it is to really feel things, to stay in touch with what is going on inside of my soul, because for years I was not concerned with that. That romance of all romances took precedence. Now, I am here realizing that I have a lot to be proud of in what I am and what I have to offer the world, but I am also realizing how unsure I am that these things are what people desire. I am also learning that many of my fatal flaws have been lying dormant in me, and I am taking these flaws and working hard everyday to improve them. The art of being alone teaches us that who we are will be good enough for someone else out there. Some day. Friends, if you are alone tonight, and tomorrow, and the day afterwards, I promise you there is someone else in the world who is learning this art with you. I am with you. One day being alone will be a choice not an involuntary emotion, remain grateful for this because one day you are going to wake up and be amazed at your strength. I hope you and I both have that day in our near futures. Keep your hearts up, friends. This is temporary, and our happiness will be permanent because of it.
Rihanna | Chris Brown - Birthday Cake (Remix)
I WANT THAT CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE
I know you want it in the worst way.
My best friend showed me this guy a week ago. I truly believe that music comes as a little blessing to prove that someone up there is telling us that we aren’t alone.
